There are nettles everywhere,
                              But smooth green grasses are more common still;
                                  The blue of heaven is larger than the cloud

                                                            ~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Take it with you

"You can't take it with you when you go"  they say.      

  I think I can.

I will fill my soul to the brim with the love and beauty of this world. With the good memories as well as the bittersweet. I will fill my soul to the brim. It will be heavy with joy when I leave this world and I will take it with me when I go.

Kites

I had the most wonderful dream the other night. I was walking down a dirt road. To my right was a field of green with wooden folding chairs and people dressed in old time clothes seated in them. In front of them was a black preacher preaching in an animated, glorious way. To the left of me was another luscious field of green with children in white billowing dresses playing and laughing. The sun broke free of the clouds just ahead of me and I looked toward it to see two white kites floating side by side, back-lit by the sun. They floated ever so slowly towards the sun and I could not see any strings tethering them to the earth.  An amazing feeling washed over me in the moment I saw the kites. A feeling that everything is going to be okay.  I knew I needed to remember their beauty when I awoke. It was a vivid dream and something about it brings me peace when I think about it.

Grief has made a home in my heart for you. A tiny nest in each chamber where it will always slumber. Every once in a while it will awaken and remind me of your death in time but right now it has crash landed and made a mess of me that will take some time to heal. You were my father and I was your youngest daughter. A coal miner's daughter. Memories of you are frequent in this grief and have made me realize that while you didn't say it out loud you did love me the best way you knew how and I loved you the best way I knew how. It wasn't perfect but it is what it is.

              But what if I'm a mermaid in these jeans of his with her name still on it?
              Hey but I don't care cause sometimes, I said sometimes,  I hear my voice and it's been here
               silent all these years.
                                                                                                             

                          

The Cusp

I feel on the cusp of something wonderful. Have you ever felt that way? Your heart is full enough to burst. Your soul is brimming with brightness and light. You swear you can feel a change somewhere in you so deep down into the very being of your cellular make up. These are the days when I feel my breath quicken with the happiness of life. I hope you have these days too.

                    Oh and just so you know I heart you! It's true. It is written in stone.

Spring

Hope you are enjoying the spring happenings so far. I used to love the spring when I was younger and now as I get older it is just the harbinger of hot humid weather. I hate the heat now more than ever. I do love watching the plants and animal wake up from winter though. I guess I still love spring but will pine for the fall and winter once summer hits. I think i will make it my goal to enjoy summer more this year. It really isn't fair to dislike it so much. Summer can't help being hot. It is in it's very nature. I'll just have to make more of an effort to visit the river that I love so much but is a little far away. There are natural water slides there and deep dark pool of water at the bottom that is oh so lovely to slide into. The cooling water can be so healing and I definitely need a bit of that.

 I really feel I have been just letting life pass me by these past few months. It has been dark here figuratively speaking and I need a bit of light to grow towards. It is difficult for someone of my nature to find the light though. I read so many blogs of so many upbeat positive people and just wonder how I can be that way too. But then if I try to be more upbeat and it isn't really who I am then am I being true to myself? I'm not saying here that I am a negative person. Just a recluse that has a tendency to relish in the darkness and being alone.

Well anyways enough of that for now.